


Something old, Something New

by drelfina



Category: Naruto
Genre: Founders Era, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, all crack all day, cracky porn, danzou is going to murder hiruzen so much, danzou would make the most brilliant widow in black at hiruzen's grave, hints of koharu and homura, hints of tobirama/madara, is this porn it barely counts except for the fact that dicks are out, shinobi marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 11:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20891237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: "I'm going to kill you, Hiruzen."Danzou and Hiruzen get married. They gotta consummate right?Right.





	Something old, Something New

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perelka_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perelka_L/gifts), [ValidAsshole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValidAsshole/gifts).

> https://perelka-l.tumblr.com/post/188122869693/perelka-l-i-have-no-explanation
> 
> Based on this .
> 
> :D 
> 
> I have no explanation either, L!

"Really," Hiruzen said, standing back. Danzou glared up at him. 

"Yes really." 

"But," Hiruzen said, feeling his eyes crinkle at the corners as he tried his hardest not to grin. 

Well. Grin wider. 

The wider his grin, the more murderous Danzou looked, and to be honest there was nothing hotter than when a man looked like he wanted to eviscerate you from groin to sternum. 

Hiruzen was shinobi. You had to appreciate the motivation.

"But _what_," Danzou snarled, fingers twitching, probably for a kunai but in this dress... well he probably HAD a kunai in his garter, but it was so many layers of organza and silk that Danzou would look like an idiot trying to find his kunai. 

the thought of Danzou hitching up his skirts to get the goddamn blade out was an image that Hiruzen was definitely going to keep though.

"But we're married, darling," Hiruzen purred, and the vein in Danzou's temple popped, and Hiruzen didn't quite snicker. 

And Danzou _snarled_ and his hand reached UP (instead of down!) and then he was yanking a slim kunai straight out of his apparently flat bodice (this was, Hiruzen realised, his own fault for forgetting) and then tried to lunge at Hiruzen.

Oops, Hiruzen didn't say. But he was definitely nimble enough to dodge - grab Danzou's wrists, trip him up in the very pretty skirts and then end up grappling on the floor while Danzou tried to stab him in the throat. 

"Koharu-chan and Homura-kun are _definitely_ going to think that we're having fun!" Hiruzen sang out, and Danzou froze.

"The hell," Danzou snapped. 

"Well you're kicking the furniture, and making loud noises," Hiruzen said, as innocently as he could, and Danzou GROWLED harder. 

"oh, Danzou-chan," Hiruzen cooed, while Danzou froze and turned puce.

"I. Am. Not! Stop squirming!" Danzou all but yelled. 

"I could just stay here," Hiruzen said, "but then it seems _so_ big, Danzou-chan~"

Hiruzen could just SEE the innuendo filter through Danzou's brain, and what exactly t must sound like to their teammates who were nosy as all fuck out, and almost definitely lurking like the good nosy shinobi with no actual boundaries that they all were trained to be. 

(They all knew what kind of underwear each other preferred, for one, and they ALL knew exactly what sensei's post-coital sleeping position was because none of them would even NOT think of taking a look when Madara-sama invited Tobirama-sensei 'in for tea'.)

"I fucking hate you, Hiruzen!"

"But it's so big, Danzou-chan," Hiruzen said, trying to roll, narrowly avoiding getting his head bashed against a table leg, wedged a knee into the skirts and pinning Danzou's legs down. "what if it hurts me?" 

"I will DEFINITELY hurt you!" Danzou howled, and tried to stab him, and the kunai scored a shriek against the underside of the table as Hiruzen shoved his knife hand down. 

"awww why are you so mean, can't you take it slowly?"

Danzou snarled at him through gritted teeth. "I'll show you slow!" 

"Or i could show you," Hiruzen said, and managed to get both of Danzou's wrists to one hand, and while Danzou tried to throw him off, slammed his palm into Danzou's solar plexus so he'd gasp. 

And then while he was wheezing, lean in and steal the rest of his air in a bruising kiss.

Danzou still managed to gather enough energy to bite him, so Hiruzen had to wrench his kunai from him, and then yank the veil off Danzou's hair. 

It was a very pretty silk veil, thin enough to still show the shadow of Danzou's hair and features, and definitely strong enough to twist up and tie Danzou's wrists down and out of the way without creasing too much. 

"*Fucker*," Danzou hissed, but he wasn't really able to do much more than snarl breathlessly, so Hiruzen could shove those beautiful silky layers of skirt up and up and get his hands all the way up his thighs , marvelling at the way his calloused palms caught at the sheer stockings and then dragged and snagged at the pretty lace garters. 

"Oh, you really do love me," he cooed at Danzou. "you even brought some tiny senbon to the party." 

"I'll show you what a tiny _prick_ from one would do," Danzou snarled at him, and Hiruzen just sniggered. He wasn't going to remove the garters, no, he was just going to pet them with his fingers, watch Danzou squirm and glare at him, and then head straight for the _real_ goal. 

That pretty, pretty cock encased in that... 

"Ooooh, all for me?" Hiruzen crooned, and Danzou absolutely shrieked when Hiruzen got his mouth right over the fine silk encased cock.... even as he slid his finger along the naughty lace THONG right over his perineum and teasing straight over Danzou's hole. 

So very considerate of Danzou - Hiruzen wouldn't even have to take off _anything_ to get straight to consummating the hell out of this marriage. 

He told Danzou as much and Danzou tried to kick at him. 

Danzou missed - managing to kick the table holding their wedding tea-set straight across the room in a resounding crash, and while he was hissing at impact, Hiruzen managed to snag the kunai and then slam it through the silk knot of the veil, pinning Danzou's hands firmly above his head, and then getting right back to his very important job of fingering Danzou till his eyes crossed. 

"Hiruzen!" Danzou howled - and Hiruzen had to suck at his cock harder because who said Danzou could have any air back? 

Or at least, who allowed him to form _whole words_? 

Danzou tried to knee him in the ear when he slipped in three fingers and fine, alright, since Danzou was so impatient he'd get to the main event right now. 

When Hiruzen pushed in Danzou yelled loud enough Hiruzen's ears rang. 

Hiruzen grinned at him and then shoved his shoulders under Danzou's knees and went to town. 

In retaliation, Danzo hammered his knees into Hiruzen's shoulderblades hard enough that there'd be bruises tomorrow. Something Hiruzen was going to wear with pride AND rub in Danzou's face all day tomorrow at the brand new mission desk. 

(Especially since Kagami and Homura were going to be bringing a whole little troop of almost-graduates from the brand new academy to See How Ninja Do it, so Hiruzen was going to Show it, and when they asked about the bruises, he hoped to see Danzou spontaneously combust.) 

Danzou screamed when he came on Hiruzen's cock - it was a sound he never thought he'd enjoy quite so much, even though his ear-drums were going to be protesting a little.... 

And then Danzou's hands caught at his neck. 

"You're going to pay for this, Sarutobi," Danzou hissed, the remanents of the veil still lingering at his wrists. 

"You're Sarutobi now, you know," Hiruzen said, and rocked his hips a little so Danzou's breathing jittered. 

Danzou glared, and shoved hard at him, his chakra slamming into Hiruzen's throat, and before Hiruzen could get up and protest being ejected so unceremoniously from Danzou's ass, Danzou flung him into the bed hard enough the bedframe creaked ominously. 

"Pay. For. This," Danzou snarled. 

The bed did not survive that night. 

To be fair, neither did the table, the chairs, and the wardrobe. Surprisingly, the mirror and vanity in the corner survived.

**Author's Note:**

> NOTES: 
> 
> Perelka_L: Danzo absolutely would leave looong gashes down Hiruzens back If he could(with pretty manicured nails)
> 
> Danzou: I'll settle for eviscerating him
> 
> Hiruzen: but danzou-chan, you would leave yourself a widow? that would be SO Tragic, who would warm your sweet little ass?
> 
> Danzou: *SHRIEKS*
> 
> Also 
> 
> Perelka_L: Danzo wearing black after Hiruzen's death is something I never thought I would find appealing
> 
> Hiruzen: you look so beautiful in black, Danzou-chan
> 
> Danzou: SHUT UP SARUTOBI. CORPSES DON'T GET TO TALK AT FUNERALS


End file.
